The Tik Tok Cosplayer (PERH)
Let us take you on a thought-journey. Your limited edition rose-gold Onceler-themed Samsung Galaxy Plus™ buzzes for the thirtieth time this hour. It’s Marq, your favorite member of the influencers-only, semi-platonic Onceler polycule you’ve been a part of since 10 am. It reads “lol yeah.” You’re instantly spiraling out of control. You take to your platform, Onceler gear in place (the green jacket, the goggles, the fucking tophat), and look hauntingly into the camera as you strike horrific poses to the sound of “Spooky Scary Skeletons.” You know that some sweet sweet validation from the comments section will calm your racing pulse and anxious thoughts.
After you post the video, you retreat to your couch to produce Twitter discourse while My Hero Academia auto-plays in the background. You sigh contentedly as notifications roll across your screen. People alternate between praising your cosplay, asking you to be their “daddy,” and calling you out on Twitter for making a green-striped Lorax-fandom queerplatonic pride flag that you named for your particular orientation: heteroqueerpolyplatonicseussiansexual. You’re the wildest of all the types. You make decisions that make no sense and post the type of videos that people want to scroll past but, oh god, they can’t because they can’t stop watching. People see you as charismatic in unconventional and mildly disturbing ways. We respect you for the strange niche that you fill in our society.
Notable TikTok Cosplayers
The Johnny Depp Willy Wonka, unfortunately
Minions
The Roadrunner
Peter Pan
Unpacking Your Type
The P in your type stands for Postmodernist. You communicate with passion. People find you exciting and/ or confusing.
The E in your type stands for Elton. Elton John, that is! You're spontaneous and go with the flow.
The R in your type stands for Roni. Pepperonis have fun bad habits. Your heart belongs to chaos and that's pretty rad.
The H in your type stands for Heel. You're antiheroic. If your life had an audience, the audience would probably sympathize with, but not admire, you.