Insufferable Doctor-Poet (PBSF)

When you opened a clinic in rural Pennsylvania with your sweet, handsome husband (he was only too happy to set his literary career aside to give vaccinations and help with patient intake), we celebrated with you. When you politely refused drinks at the going-away party and counseled moderation with an ironic smile, you were too charming for us to even complain. But when we saw that three of your new poems are going to be published in a national magazine. . . some things are just too fucking much.

You have good habits, you think clearly, and you’ve got a knack for doing good. Whether you’re succeeding or failing, we all admit that you’ve got what it takes to work hard and achieve excellence. Just keep in mind that the closer you get to perfection, the more we resent you for it. In fact, your just-visible-enough emotional vulnerability--we all love watching you have a messy breakup, we secretly relish your distasteful tendency to brag--only make your calculated generosity and kindness (15% better than what’s expected, at all times) feel extra-sincere and humane. And what’s worse, we can’t even admit it. Because if we did, you’d just try even harder to make us feel loved and included--and you wouldn’t believe how angry that’d make us.

Notable Insufferable Doctor-Poets

Michel Foucault

Tony Stark

William Carlos Williams

Unpacking Your Type

The P in your type stands for Postmodernist. You communicate with passion. People find you exciting and/ or confusing.

The B in your type stands for Bernie. Bernie Taupin, that is! You're methodical and good at keeping control.

The S in your type stands for Shroom. Mushrooms have sad good habits. You have a positive influence on those around you, but is that what you really want???

The F in your type stands for Face. You're heroic. If your life had an audience, they would probably admire, but not sympathize with, you.