Mommy Blogger (MESF)

You have the kind of good habits that instill in your children a forever-hatred of broccoli. You have charisma and joy and probably a sizable following on whatever social media website it is that you frequent. I respect you for that. You’re the type of put-upon mother that sitcoms can only dream of caricaturing, trying to take care of your literal, metaphorical, or metaphysical children with such devotion that we can only praise you as An Excellent Mother. If you aren’t a mother, you’re wrong. You are a mother. If you don’t have a blog, you’re wrong, because you do.

The Mommy Blogger is uniquely cursed by a combination of many sincere friends you’d love to spend time with and the painful sensation that any moment not spent baking the Mulan-themed Funfetti cake you saw on Pinterest or health-blogging is irrecoverably irresponsible. A fundamental tension between good habits and your half-hidden desire to enjoy yourself for once in your gosh-darn life produces a resignation that occasionally bubbles over into mild, instantly regretted microaggressions against your eternally napping husband and your constantly whining shit-children, Mason (future serial killer) and Kayden (future Liberty Mutual sign-spinner). These are the anchors of which you will never divest yourself.

Notable Mommy Bloggers

Marge Simpson

the Giving Tree

Billy Ray Cyrus (as he appears on the Hannah Montana Show)

Unpacking Your Type

The M in your type stands for Modernist. You communicate with clarity. People find you reasonable, well-spoken, and/or dismal.

The E in your type stands for Elton. Elton John, that is! You're spontaneous and go with the flow.

The S in your type stands for Shroom. Mushrooms have sad good habits. You have a positive influence on those around you, but is that what you really want???

The F in your type stands for Face. You're heroic. If your life had an audience, they would probably admire, but not sympathize with, you.