Stan, the Local Bartender with High Cholesterol (MBRH)

Every night, you start the digital jukebox on playing your personal classic rock playlist. Your patrons needn’t fear, though. You only pick the best and most tender songs, like “My Girl” by the Temptations. Just after you open, your friend wanders in, just like he does every day. Wearily, he sits at your bar (the bar that you’re already cleaning) and tells you about his day. You offer intent nods and short, useful advice, such as, “Like I tell ya, you don’t respect your woman, your woman shouldn’t respect you.” He leaves happier than he came in, but he tips you terribly. That’s alright. You may not own the bar, but you might as well. So what if you have to drink a little to get through a shift? What would the boss do without the four-to-six regulars that come in specifically to see you?

Folks have a way of coming in and out of your life, and you let them come and go because you’re kind and you have the gentle grace of someone who truly loves not being shouted at. Every day, those hot-shot accountants who cut their hair every four weeks whether they need it or not drive up in their clean, blue Honda Civics and, without even reading your name tag, call for Heinekens, and then jet off to their glamorous jobs at companies like H&R Block or Your-Ice-Cream-Our-Stick! Tongue Depressor Supply. You were a young, hopeful Certified Public Accountant like them, once, and all it got you was a lousy eight-hundred-thousand-dollar retirement plan and a broken heart. You like the little vices and small triumphs, and when Marianne looks you in the face, right in your eyes with everything she’s got, you know you deserve it because you’re a guy who works hard and appreciates what he’s got. You’re Stan and the world may not be grand, but it’s alright anyway.

Notable Stans

Oscar the Grouch

Iroh

Unpacking Your Type

The M in your type stands for Modernist. You communicate with clarity. People find you reasonable, well-spoken, and/or dismal.

The B in your type stands for Bernie. Bernie Taupin, that is! You're methodical and good at keeping control.

The R in your type stands for Roni. Pepperonis have fun bad habits. Your heart belongs to chaos and that's pretty rad.

The H in your type stands for Heel. You're antiheroic. If your life had an audience, the audience would probably sympathize with, but not admire, you.