The Tyrant Child (PERF)
You’re fun in a way that gives me a headache. Spontaneous, emotional, full of terrible (hilarious) habits, and yet strangely noble, you WILL help others and be kind, but only in ways people neither anticipate nor want. Imagine, if you will, a toddler who knows that they are adorable and who occasionally really genuinely tries to cook their mother dinner, but more often finds a way to break something in a Target that’s worth more than my apartment and still get away with it.
On the mantle, your partner has a limited edition Keats Foundation Ode to Keats’ “Ode to a Grecian Urn” Grecian Urn. One day, you make eye contact with it and know. You know you simply Must knock it from its position. When or how you do it hasn’t yet fully formed, but you spend days daydreaming about the chaos you’ll cause when you finally get to break that Keats Foundation Ode to Keats’ “Ode to a Grecian Urn” Grecian Urn. On that fateful afternoon, when your partner arrives home, exhausted from work, you know that you’re in for at least an hour’s worth of shouting and a week of the silent treatment. In your heart, you truly are sorry and you know that tonight, you will gather all the pieces and begin the process of pain-stakingly gluing the Keats Foundation Ode to Keats’ “Ode to a Grecian Urn” Grecian Urn back together. Though you may not always control your id, you have enough goodness in you to atone for your bullshit.
Even as you atone for this sin, however, you know that your partner’s extremely rare Différance Edition Teen Heartthrob Jacques Derrida Three-Color Collage is not long for this world.
Notable Tyrant Children
Spongebob
every cat
Kevin McCallister
the Trix Rabbit
Unpacking Your Type
The P in your type stands for Postmodernist. You communicate with passion. People find you exciting and/ or confusing.
The E in your type stands for Elton. Elton John, that is! You're spontaneous and go with the flow.
The R in your type stands for Roni. Pepperonis have fun bad habits. Your heart belongs to chaos and that's pretty rad.
The F in your type stands for Face. You're heroic. If your life had an audience, they would probably admire, but not sympathize with, you.