iSideWith: Supreme Thing Which Goes Bump in the Night

On this final and most spooky day of Halloweek, Luke Hauge, Clair Willden, and Lore Andreassen have once again teamed up. This time, we're bringing you a new quiz sponsored by the National Horror Council and the League of Undecided Monster Voters.

As you know, the more-or-less qualified representatives of the Nine Monstrous Disciplines have once again gathered at the Hall of Eternal Autumn. On Halloween night, one will ascend to the position of Supreme Thing Which Goes Bump in the Night for the next year. Answer these questions to learn which spooky being aligns most closely with your personal Halloween beliefs. Please hurry, the assembled monsters await your judgement!


Should the Ancient Autumnal Council eat the bones of the wicked?
Yes
No
Neutral

Choose an ominous weather forecast:
The wind will howl and shriek through the wild forest branches this night and all who pause to hear the wind’s song shall know what it means for death to whisper in your ear.
‘Twill be a high sun tomorrow and the earthen star shall shine so bright that it will sear and boil the blood of all who linger in this wasted place.
There is a 40% chance of widespread, neverending storms. Lightning might rend the sky in two and the booming thunder might rattle your bones so thoroughly as to crack them. It might also be partly cloudy.
Rolling fog will steal silently through the streets tonight, snatching the breath right from the lungs of anyone who keeps their window open.

How many terrible ghouls should sit upon the High Court of Soul Judgement (currently skeleton dominated--4 skeletons and 1 ghoul)?
None, it should be skeletons ONLY
I don’t see skin, just choose the most qualified candidates for the job (who are usually skeletons)
As ghouls outnumber skeletons three-to-two, there should be three ghouls and two skeletons.
In this house, we recognize no court except the cobwebbed basketball court

In the afterlife, do you expect to earn an unliving wage or does a minimum wage suffice?
How could we possibly be expected to make an unliving without a wage to match spooky inflation?
I’m an employer of the undead or think I will be an employer of the undead so keep those wages DOWN.

What ghost would you be most afraid of if they appeared at the foot of your bed in the dead of night?
Clown ghost
A ghost with their heart set on revenge
A shadow ghost that menaces you from afar
The ghost of a thing which no longer has a name
Ayn Rand

Proper ghostly foreign policy is best summarized as:
Walk softly and carry a big femur
We must handle domestic issues before we turn our attention to foreign matters
If there are no lands which have foreign sovereignty, this question is irrelevant.
XX No to Haunted Imperialism XX

Many creatures see that we of the Nine Disciplines have created a good kingdom. Should we let new creatures into the Realm of Roseblood and Spiders?
Yes
No
Neutral

CHOOSE A FAMOUS 1930s GHOST
The ghost of a jazz singer who murdered her husband for “personal reasons”
The ghost of one of those character actors who would only play Hamlet
The ghost of a man who is somehow always in the back of an old movie shot just emptying a dustbin or...like...sweeping the street
The ghost of the 1920s hanging over every historical moment of the 30s
The ghost of your grandpa because you’re boring

What secret conspiracy would you like to reveal?
Hard Discs are actually just Discs of Ham. This is being covered up by Big Hard Disc.
For years, the US military has been building secret bases under the sea and beneath Roswell. Since the war in Iraq, these sites have been used for drone pilot training, and for stockpiling mercury.
Monster control advocates use freon at rates almost 300% higher than other citizens.
In 1750, Benjamin Franklin was observed by over fifteen residents of Philadelphia as he branded an unidentified man with an Illuminati insignia. He was overheard telling one of his associates, “my work will be done once Criss Angel arrives to complete it.”
In biblical times, even common peasants knew much more than we do about how to treat Celiac's disease. However, Big Pharma and the Zombies are hiding those secrets from us today.
90% of all people like cold, rubbery scrambled eggs - but are bullied into denying this simple fact by sentient hair lice.

What form of relationship should Supreme Thing cultivate between monsters and mortals?
As predator and prey
As bestower and recipient of fright
As partners in life and death (Mutualism)
Each monster should act on its own conscience, Supreme Thing be damned
We shall be as the wind, they shall be as the sand

Do Birds have a place in your Cabinet?
Yes
No
KA KAW (neutral)

Which of the following sites should receive a ceremonial Personal Haunting by the Supreme Thing?
The cemetery at Our Lady of Eternal Rest Church, as is tradition
Brooklyn (all)
Ricky’s Outspokin Tires
The Clearing In the Center of the Superior National Forest (in Minnesota)
The Central International Monster Bank (No Survivors)

At the end of the day, it’s important that our Supreme Thing knows how to unwind. What relaxation technique should the Supreme Thing be familiar with?
Drip oil onto the third, fourth, or even fifth eye
Burn your skin with mugwort cigars
Erotic Massage
Visit Lin-Manuel Miranda's Twitter Feed
Scrape away toxins with a knife and spoon
Breathing exercises

Has the Coalition for Ghouls, Nontraditional Werecreatures, and Incomprehensible Beings done more good than harm this year?
Yes, these monsters deserve better representation at the Hall of Eternal Autumn
No, their goals are good, but their methods have been generally harmful
No, I dislike ghouls, nontraditional werecreatures, and/or incomprehensible beings
All systems are designed to fail. Let them.

Which traditional haunting practice should the Supreme Thing advocate for in the coming year?
Poltergeistery
Hair Stand on Endening
Licking of the Face
Revenge
Chillin’ at the Arcade